A Few Thoughts

1.) I am a horrible blogger. After a nice long run/bike/swim, I would rather watch DVRd Top Chef than sit down and create a post...apologies to my hoard of 7 followers.

2.) I can't believe how difficult this training has been in every way. Physically, it has been a tremendous challenge. I have pushed myself harder than I ever have in training for a marathon. I have set my alarm for times even I think are ridiculous. I sit down at work at every opportunity, and those are few and far between. I get home, and I don't even want to eat because making a meal and consuming it uses more energy than I feel like I have at times. Neil has been a huge help when he is home, but next week he is going on a long-ish trip, and I am not sure how I am going to work/train/eat/walk the dog/clean the house and stay awake through it all. I swam more laps in a pool during my first session at the YMCA on January 2, 2010 (no joining fee!) than I had in my entire life up to that point. I have wrecked my bike and battled fear and anxiety to get back in the saddle. That brings me nicely to the mental/emotional challenges of this training. I continue to battle doubts that I can complete the training necessary to complete the Ironman distance. I have gone from feeling strong and confident after 4000 yards in the pool to suffering through the worst training run I can ever remember. I am still varying levels of terrified every time I climb on the bike to ride outside. The fear ranges from that of being hit by an unobservant driver. James Cracknell, an Olympic gold medalist, was hit by a truck whilst he rode through Arizona on a ride across America. His journey is being documented by The Discovery Channel. He was not being filmed at the time, but if this can happen to a seasoned veteran of distance cycling, it can certainly happen to me as I ride in a state filled with drivers from New Jersey...Mary, I know you can back me up on the sub-par skills of NJ motorists. I have never questioned whether or not I can finish a marathon, but this is a totally different animal. I know positive thinking is essential in any physical or mental undertaking, but a few doubts are normal, right? Nevertheless, I have put in the time, and I know that I will be as physically ready as I can be. I have 1 more long run (20 miles), and 2 more long bike rides (5.5 and 6 hours) before the recovery/taper begins. I can and will do this, and then I will enjoy a week of Midwest vacation after!

3.) As I look ahead into my last 10 days of hard-core, long-hour, high-mileage training, I realize that while training for Ironman Louisville has made me physically and mentally stronger than I have ever been in my life, it is making my job more difficult. I am not speaking about my ability to physically treat my patients, although some arms/legs/heads feel heavier than they might otherwise. The part that is difficult is not telling some of my less-than-compliant/fat/lazy/scheming patients to suck it up. This has always been a challenge to some degree, but I find myself screaming at these people in my mind. As a PT, I have always had a certain percentage of patients who drive me crazy with their lack of desire to get better. I don't know if it is central Delaware, which is lousy with pain management quacks and short on quality physicians. I don't know if it is a particularly difficult batch of clients in my caseload right now. I do know that I am becoming less tolerant of certain behaviors. When our company picks you up at your home, free of charge, at 1:30 PM, and you come to the door and say you can't make it because you just got up, I want to scream! When I am working with a patient who has 4 part-time jobs and still has time to fit in her PT because she needs to get better so she can work, and another patient won't schedule an appointment before 3 in case she is out too late partying the night before, I am less and less inclined to mince words when the latter of those two complains because she doesn't want to increase her time on the bike to 8 minutes! I try to use it as fuel for my workouts, but there are some days (like today) when my tongue is almost chewed-through out of restraint.

This post has been a major downer. Tomorrow is a new day (Friday!) with a run/swim in the morning. Saturday is a 5.5-hour bike ride, and Sunday, I am off which means a potential beach day! Life is good, and I am blessed to have the opportunity and ability to wear myself out. I will try to be more diligent and more upbeat from here on out...